How to find meaning, clarity, and growth in life’s confusing moments

I feel like I’m losing it. I’m getting to know someone (for the second time), and I swear they’re shapeshifting right in front of my eyes. Is this normal? Or am I the one who’s changing?

I asked my mother about it, and she pointed out that I’ve been a little out of sorts lately. My cycle is about to start — it’s always the time I lose my shit. But even knowing that, I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that it’s not just me. Maybe it’s the pressure.

The pressure to decide.

Do I pursue a relationship with this person? It feels like such a huge deal because of our history. We were together years ago — decades, really — and the breakup was hard for both of us. I know how much it hurt him then, and I really don’t want to hurt him now. He’s a highly sensitive type, like me, and that’s part of what makes this complicated.

I’ve been clear that my intention is to remain friends at this point, but it’s like he’s seeing me through a different lens. I feel like he’s pushing me into a category in his mind that I don’t fit into anymore. And even though I try to communicate where I’m at, that tension between us — the pressure to be something more — it stresses me out. It makes me feel like I have to make a decision now. But instead of pulling me closer, it’s pushing me away.

Then there’s my son. The decision about where we’re going to live for the next few years feels even bigger than the relationship stuff because it’s his future we’re talking about. But here’s the thing: I don’t feel any pull to go anywhere right now. Nothing inside me is lighting up, telling me to act.

And I know myself — when the time is right, I feel it. I’ve made plenty of big changes in my life before, and to others, they may appear impulsive or, on the other hand, extremely gutsy. But they never feel that way to me because there’s always been this drive, this inner motor pushing me forward.

But now? That motor is turned off. And it’s confusing.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older, or maybe I’m just tired. Whatever it is, it feels like nothing in me is ready to make a move. And maybe that’s okay.

Shifting Toward Clarity

Last night, as I jumbled the paragraphs above into my journal and released them, I took a step back, and the fog began to lift. I started seeing things differently. The weight of these decisions had been suffocating me, and finally, they seemed to dissolve for a moment.

I found myself present — just being, not overwhelmed by what was ahead. And that shift came when I leaned into something bigger than my anxiety: the space of silence that’s always there in the background. Oh, how I yearn for it, but it’s fleeting.

The noise in my mind had been so overwhelming over the past few days that I’d really missed that familiar peace. I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night, torn by anxiety. Moments of stillness felt nonexistent. The worries kept coming up, over and over again, hooking me at every angle. I realized that, no matter what, there was this record playing, and I was having a constant dialogue with it — or maybe it was more like an argument.

The more I sat with the discomfort and observed it non-judgmentally, the clearer things became. It was like stumbling around in the dark, and then, little by little, a light started to turn on.

The uncertainty that is continuous in our lives becomes a gateway to developing patience and presence, which strengthens our ability to observe our thoughts and emotions without getting hooked by them, and in turn creates growth.

Through patience and presence, we touch the stillness, and in that stillness, we find comfort — an embrace we’ve always been searching for, as it is our natural state. In this state, amidst the chaos of our minds and external environments, we receive guidance — not in words, but in a sense that translates to embodied peace and ease.

The Unknown

Sometimes, the decision is not to decide. To pause. To breathe. To take a step back. Life has a way of presenting choices when you’re ready for them. If you don’t feel that energy boiling up inside right now, maybe it’s because there’s nothing you actually need to do yet.

Mindfulness teaches us to lean into uncertainty with curiosity rather than fear. Life doesn’t always provide clear answers immediately, and that’s okay.

When you’re overwhelmed by the unknown, remember:

Not knowing is part of the journey.

The right path will be revealed in time.

Just repeating these affirmations made a huge difference in my physical and emotional state.

Be Present with Decisions

The hardest part of indecision is how heavy it feels — as if every choice carries the weight of the world. Instead of getting overwhelmed, I’ve learned to make the best decision I can “at the moment.”

When decisions feel overwhelming, remember to ground yourself through present-moment awareness. Whether through breathwork, meditation, yoga, or journaling, do whatever helps you become more aware of how you’re getting hooked and swayed by your thoughts and emotions. Doing this enables you to remain mindful in the present and make choices that reflect your values, not fear or impulsivity.

Trust the present moment and make decisions that feel right for you rather than overanalyzing.

Ask yourself:

What feels most aligned with my values right now?

Am I making this choice out of fear or love?

Notice Shapeshifting as Growth

I’ve noticed how the way I perceive someone can change quickly, almost as if they’re shifting right in front of me. This can feel disorienting, but it might be less about the person physically changing and more about how your perception of them is shifting, which is influenced by your own energy, thoughts, or emotional state in that moment.

Since we’re all made up of energy, our perceptions can fluctuate based on where we are, emotionally or mentally. One moment, we might see someone as a loving, pure soul because we’re in a calm or open state. But in another moment, if you’re feeling anxious, frustrated, or uncertain, that energy can shift your perception, making you see something different in that person.

This kind of shifting perception can be a natural part of how we’re constantly interacting with the energy around us. What we’re noticing might be both a reflection of our internal state and how the energy we’re picking up from others interacts with it.

And as for the shapeshifting — whether it’s you or them or the whole world — maybe that’s not such a bad thing. It may just mean that we are becoming more aware of how we are getting hooked; we are growing and evolving, and eventually, clarity will find us.

Let’s remember that growth is often messy and uncomfortable, but it’s necessary and part of the human experience.

I find it helpful to reflect on how change has served me in the past; I like to call them my blessings in disguise.

Release Perfectionism in Choices

I had to let go of the idea that there was a perfect decision somewhere. There isn’t. There’s just the best I can do at the moment, made with the best intentions.

When you’re overwhelmed, try placing your hand over your heart and saying:

I am doing my best, and that is enough.

Trusting the Pause

For now, the best I can do is pause and trust that when the time is right, I’ll know what to do.

Until then, I’ll just keep breathing.

And maybe you can, too. Sometimes, the answer isn’t to solve the problem or make the perfect choice — it’s to lean into the stillness, let the answers come when they’re ready, and remind yourself that you’re doing your best.

That’s more than enough.

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