Recognizing and Transforming Negative Thinking Patterns

Shouldn’t I be more? Shouldn’t I have become more? Should I be doing more?

That nagging guilt that somehow, I’m falling short.

These thoughts creep in, like clockwork, every time I’m about to get my period. Along with them comes a wave of paranoia — something’s breaking, something’s wrong, something bad is about to happen.

It’s a pattern, one I’ve noticed over time, especially since I started tracking my cycle and my mood.

I have done a lot of work on myself in the past ten years and have dealt with many of these negative thinking patterns. This familiar script has been playing in my mind since childhood, whispering that who I am isn’t enough. I’ve made several transformations along the way, but what’s left of this mindset still echoes around the time I get my period.

The Guilt of Not Being “More”

It’s not just about wanting growth — it’s the guilt of feeling like I should have become more by now. Like I should be doing more, because doing more would make me more. As if who I am right now isn’t enough. But who decided that?

So much relief comes with accepting where I am in the moment. Reminding myself that life moves in phases, that we all experience different things at different times.

And how we think about our lives and where we are isn’t always true — it’s shaped by our past and the conditioning we’ve absorbed along the way.

During this time of the month, I still find myself in that place — questioning whether I should be better, wondering if what I’m doing is good enough. And with this self-doubt comes suffering.

Recognizing the Pattern

Over the past 10 years I’ve learned to step outside and observe the thoughts instead of becoming consumed by them. This feeling of not being enough isn’t actually true, it’s just a pattern. A pattern of thinking that has the power to bring me down if I let it. I’ve also realized that the feelings associated with these thoughts are temporary — energy that rises and falls, just like everything else.

That awareness — seeing the thought instead of letting it overwhelm me — has been one of the most important tools.

It’s awareness that allows me to recognize when I’m headed into a downward spiral.

It’s awareness that helps me notice that my paranoia and anxiety heighten around the same time every month. And it’s awareness that reminds me that these thoughts will pass.

Moving Through It

Now, when I start feeling that familiar sense of unease, I check my calendar. Oh. That’s why. Instead of spiraling, I remind myself: This is a pattern. This isn’t the truth.

There was a time when this self-doubt and anxiety weren’t tied to my period at all — they were just there, running constantly in the background. But even then, the answer was the same. Awareness. Stepping back and seeing the thoughts for what they are. Not facts. Not reality. Just something passing through.

And that’s the part that makes all the difference.

It’s not about being more or doing more. It’s about paying attention — to what I’m thinking, how it’s making me feel, how it’s tied to these limiting patterns that have played out in my life — and just observing it. Not acting on it. And the more I observe it, the more I step outside the pattern. It loses its power and diminishes over time.

That awareness is control. Not control over the external world — I can’t control that — but over whether I get pulled into these thinking patterns and emotions. It’s really about how I respond to what I’m thinking and feeling. Whether I observe nonjudgmentally or allow it to take me for a ride and bring me down.

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