Explore how flexibility in life brings clarity, peace, and unexpected happiness.
We often get lost in our minds and imagination — in the stories we create about how a certain outcome will make us feel and make our lives better. Whether it’s landing the dream job, starting a business, becoming self-employed, obtaining financial freedom, or pursuing a relationship — the white picket fence, the kids, the dog — our imagination is powerful.
The Dance of Logic and Desire
At times, our logical, rational mind steps in to wake us from the dream. Depending on the idea, this logical mind can either serve us or work against us. It might help us see things more clearly or hold us back. When we’re faced with this tension, the mind often clings to something specific: I want this person, or I need this job, or I can’t let go of this dream. This attachment to a singular idea of how things should manifest can create tension, suffering, and dis-ease.
When we move too quickly from one dream to another, it’s like rebounding from one relationship to the next without pause. Is it necessary to mourn the loss of an idea? To take a breath between one dream and the next? To pause?
The Space Between: The Wisdom of the Bardo
In the Tibetan Book of the Dead, there’s a teaching about the space between — known as the bardo — traditionally linked to a realm between death and rebirth. The bardo represents a transitional space — an interval between an ending and a new beginning. Conceptually, it can reflect the in-between moments in life: between relationships, dreams, or changes. While we often fight against these moments, wanting so badly to attain a desired outcome, letting go holds the potential for growth and transformation.
What might we learn if we allowed ourselves to rest in these intervals rather than rushing to fill them? Perhaps it’s in the pause that we find not only healing but also clarity and a sense of allowing that invites what comes next.
According to the Tibetan Book of the Dead, life, and death are part of a continuous cycle, and clinging to either can trap us in the cycle of rebirth. This idea mirrors the way we often hold onto relationships, dreams, or visions of how our lives should unfold. We might not fully let go of someone in our hearts, repeatedly pulling them back into our lives — physically or emotionally — and keeping us stuck in a loop.
The Danger of Instant Gratification
Clinging to a specific dream, whether it’s the pursuit of a relationship, a job, or a version of our future, can blind us to other possibilities. This attachment creates resistance to the natural flow of beginnings and endings, leaving us stuck in a cycle of repetition.
What would happen if we stopped grasping? If we allowed ourselves to sit in the uncertainty of the in-between? In this space, free from attachment, we might begin to see new possibilities emerge.
Letting go isn’t about abandoning hope; it’s about loosening our grip on a single outcome to make room for clarity, growth, and the unexpected paths life might offer. Only in this state of openness can we begin to truly move forward.
As I sit here, I quietly mourn the loss of a dream. For a moment, I thought: Maybe I could be in a relationship with “this person.” It was a thought, burning brightly above my rational mind: Maybe this could be it?
But then, the signals came — the warning signs, the reality that it wouldn’t be a good fit.
Years ago, I would have ignored those signs. I would have pushed through, desperate to make it happen, to grasp this fleeting idea, this desire, no matter the cost. Even if it led to suffering, I would have clung to the possibility just to feel something, even for a moment.
With maturity comes hard decisions. With maturity comes facing reality. With maturity comes letting go of instant gratification, which so often leads to suffering. The urge for instant gratification is strong — we want something so badly we’ll do anything to have it, even when the signs warn us to go the other way.
Fulfillment Beyond the Goal
When we desire something — a dream, a goal, a vision for our future — it’s easy to believe that happiness lies on the other side of it. But true happiness is already within us. That’s a difficult truth to grasp, especially in a world that constantly pulls our attention outward. In this materialistic world, we get lost in external ideas and fantasies, telling ourselves that happiness lies “out there.”
In many ways, this belief drives us forward. Motivation — the drive to move from point A to point B — is important. It’s what keeps us going. But as we journey toward our desires, new information unfolds. This new information might shift our path, and yet we often resist. We cling to the route we planned, the path we imagined, even as the universe shows us a different way.
Surrendering to Life’s Journey
There’s a saying: There are many roads to Rome. The same is true for every one of our desires. There are countless paths, and often, the final outcome is something we could never have predicted.
We lack the processing power to fully grasp all the possibilities playing out in this vast, interconnected universe. Whatever manifests in the end is something we never expected. And yet, it often turns out to be exactly what we need most.
The feeling you’re searching for — peace, joy, love, contentment — doesn’t come from the external world. It’s something you can create within yourself. If you’re fixated on a particular job or relationship, you risk closing yourself off to all the other possibilities that surround you.
Waking up means seeing that there are many paths and many possibilities and remaining open to them. Waking up is letting go of attachment to one specific vision and finding, often unexpectedly, exactly what you need all along.